Match Day Lover Gifts

A typical Newcastle fan.

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

Tennis ball girl.

The commentators want to run the officials...

"You had me at alternative milk."

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Rugby Players and Supporters Essential Supplies

'But Mum, I've got a match after school...'

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."

The Rugby Throw Up.

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'We're in a hurry.'

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'If it's a game of two halves, how come you're on your third pint?'

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

'Let's buy the one that has the game on it.'

'Not watching this,are you luv?'

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

Footballer.

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

'Look - if you're not going to watch the match, you might as well have stayed at home and gawped at yourself in the mirror!'

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

"Buona Sera, Mrs. Johnson! You ordered two pizzas. That's £18!"

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

'I don't think you are going to see the end of this match with that 4-4-2 formation.'

A football fan chews a football as his team concedes.

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

I love badminton.

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'