Match Day Fanatic Gifts

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Raheem Sterling

Football

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

Kenny Dalglish

"All of a dither as per usual!"

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'My ultimate goal is to do product promo in a popular Super Bowl T.V ad.'

Football Crazy strip six

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

Beer Order

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'