Match Day Fanatic Pillows

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

If nobody had invented graphics

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Football

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

"This crucial pre-game drill keeps you focused and eliminates distractions!"

Football Crazy strip six

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

Beer Order

'I've never seen so many strikers in one team before.'

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

'Can't you at least wait until half time?!'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'