Matchday Magician Gifts

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Asking out a palm reader.

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

Tennis ball girl.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

The Rugby Throw Up.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'But what do you sell?'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Ref shows footballer green card.

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'Why don't we do what we always do when sales lag, write 'New and improved' on the box...'

'Sure, our expertise keeps ‘em here, but Mom's cookies get them through the door!'

'How do we bake such delicious large muffins that have only 20 calories? Easy, false advertising.'

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.

Psychology in Action - on sale at $10.95.

F&E Real Estate. House for Sale. Uh-oh, I just learned the house we're selling is located on a nuclear waste site! Great! We can say it's a "hot property"!

"It never would have sold as 'mud pie'."

Online Dating