Matchday Mischief Gifts

Ref shows footballer green card.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Beer Order

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

Tennis ball girl.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

Soccer games took on a whole new meaning for the parents of Hillsdale Youth Soccer.

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

The Rugby Throw Up.

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'He does what he wants - I blame that new manager, Mourinho!'

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

"Damn! Trust me to get a seat behind the umpire!"

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

"Buona Sera, Mrs. Johnson! You ordered two pizzas. That's £18!"

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

'Early evening kick-off for the Gunners, is it, Henderson?'

"What sports fan are you?"

Football players walk onto the pitch holding childrens' hands, who are holding rag dolls.

Football today

'Goodness me referee one really must question your visual acuity.'

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

Football prayers.

Football slave

We interrupt this game because our sponsor has just filed for bankruptcy.

"My Man Utd top's still in the wash"

A football fan is distracted from cooking by a goal.