Match Day Misadventurer Gifts

"Damn! Trust me to get a seat behind the umpire!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Beer Order

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

Please use another building entirely

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'If it's a game of two halves, how come you're on your third pint?'

'We're in a hurry.'

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

Ref shows footballer green card.

"You are working, I trust!"

"If the packers lose I'll eat my hat."

World Cup Football Enthusiasm!

'Well. I gotta admit, she did say in her profile that she's an old-fashioned girl!'

'I don't think you are going to see the end of this match with that 4-4-2 formation.'

Not a happy camper.

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

Footballer.

A typical Newcastle fan.

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Football Applause

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

"My Man Utd top's still in the wash"

'They looked like mountains in the travel brochure!'

"We'll swop at half time."

Football slave

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

'SOME bunker this, eh?'