Match Day Misadventurer Pillows

"Damn! Trust me to get a seat behind the umpire!"

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'And now, please stand and join us as complete amateur butchers our national anthem.'

Beer Order

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

Please use another building entirely

'If it's a game of two halves, how come you're on your third pint?'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'We're in a hurry.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

Ref shows footballer green card.

"You are working, I trust!"

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

'I don't think you are going to see the end of this match with that 4-4-2 formation.'

Footballer.

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

A typical Newcastle fan.

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

Football Applause

"Honey, it's me. Listen, I'm having second thoughts on fish for dinner."

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

'SOME bunker this, eh?'

Football slave

'They looked like mountains in the travel brochure!'

"We'll swop at half time."

Soccer Match.