Matchday Mischief Pillows

Ref shows footballer green card.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Beer Order

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

Tennis ball girl.

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

The Rugby Throw Up.

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

'Since our stadium was built with taxpayer support, I regret to inform you that all incentive and signing bonuses must be returned.'

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

"Damn! Trust me to get a seat behind the umpire!"

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

"Buona Sera, Mrs. Johnson! You ordered two pizzas. That's £18!"

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

Football players walk onto the pitch holding childrens' hands, who are holding rag dolls.

"What sports fan are you?"

Football today

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

I'm a 10.5. What, litres?

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

We interrupt this game because our sponsor has just filed for bankruptcy.

Football prayers.

Football slave

A football fan is distracted from cooking by a goal.

The Angry Footballer