Matchday Pillows

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

Rugby Players and Supporters Essential Supplies

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'But Mum, I've got a match after school...'

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

'We're in a hurry.'

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

Ref shows footballer green card.

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

Footballer.

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

"Buona Sera, Mrs. Johnson! You ordered two pizzas. That's £18!"

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

A typical Newcastle fan.

'Right, we'll take the shallow end.'

Football players walk onto the pitch holding childrens' hands, who are holding rag dolls.

Loudspeaker announces fans' derogatory chant.

Football today

"What sports fan are you?"

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Football Applause