Matchday Master Pillows

We interrupt this game because our sponsor has just filed for bankruptcy.

"Those aren't coconuts, they're tennis balls." "Sweet mother of Novak Djokovic!" The island of lost tennis balls.

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"You looked a lot bigger on your dating profile."

'How many blummin' shades of black ARE there?'

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

"Keep it up. His knuckles are getting really sore"

'Going 'cold turkey' might be dangerous...I'd wean him off by letting him watch world cup re-runs....'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'How are Rod and Cindy getting on?' 'Like a house on fire!'

Bowled out.

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

Woman with CS Gas while man watches football - "This is for if there's any crowd trouble."

A typical Newcastle fan.

"He began his career as an interior house painter, and stuck with the tools he was comfortable with."

"What sports fan are you?"

Football today

'There it goes, there it goes, there it goes...'

Pedro Castillo never forgot his humble beginnings in catering.

"You know, if it wasn't for the players, we'd have a good team."

'Tennis'

Football slave

Football fan's painted face turns completely red at the sight of a big breasted woman.

'I thought I would never find a place to park, dear.'

Football prayers.

A football fan is distracted from cooking by a goal.

'I don't mind you watching 'Match of the Day' but...'

The Angry Footballer

Lawrence Dallaglio

'It gives him purpose in life'

'You know the rules... Any news of the death of a relative to be on my desk by 5pm on the day before the match.'