Match Day Pillows

Football players walk onto the pitch holding childrens' hands, who are holding rag dolls.

"So, after five glorious weeks, football is coming home!"

'I wonder who they'll bring on as manager for the second half.'

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

'Not much gets past our new goalie!'

"Buona Sera, Mrs. Johnson! You ordered two pizzas. That's £18!"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Beer Order

Rugby Players and Supporters Essential Supplies

'If you're proposing, Nigel, get it done before full time!'

'But Mum, I've got a match after school...'

Football supporters.

'The Cup Final's just starting-think I should wake him?'

'We're in a hurry.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'Not watching this,are you luv?'

'I know it's an early kick off but this is ridiculous!'

'Look - if you're not going to watch the match, you might as well have stayed at home and gawped at yourself in the mirror!'

'Structural strength test? Next door!'

"Why do footballers never shake a fist when they miss?"

GOOOOAAAAAL!

Footballer.

"I promised I'd bring him - he could never afford to come when he was alive."

A football fan chews a football as his team concedes.

'Right, we'll take the shallow end.'

A typical Newcastle fan.

'Yes, he was there his afternoon - that's his balloon floating in the penalty area.'

'Don't mind her...I brought along my grief counsellor just in case.'

'These oxygen tanks go with your tickets. Where you're sitting, you'll need them.'

Football Applause

Loudspeaker announces fans' derogatory chant.

Rugby - Barring the goal

'Excuse me. Is this seat 27c?'

The Alter of Football