Matchmaking Magician Gifts

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

Online Dating

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Thank you, Leo. Nothing like a roar to get us going in the morning.'

'It WAS rather unkind of you to hide his bottle-opener, Mrs Jones.'

'I started out as a yes man, but I've evolved into a plucky devil's advocate who always sides with the boss in the end.'

Pizza time.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

I'd like to talk about absenteeism.

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

Houdini attempts to escape a relationship.

"I don't want to take this meeting off track, but... isn't Stonehenge amazing? Seriously, who did that?"

Man in meeting has drawn all over paper, table and chairman, who says: 'I have no objection to doodling during meetings, but it must be within reason.'

"I like to come prepared for meetings."

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

'We'll talk later, Ed, but for now we have a quick and dirty solution to your objections.'

'Well, he sure as hell doesn't walk like a C.E.O.'