Mythical Matchmaker Gifts

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

"Opposites attract?"

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

'Jane, cancel all my appointments for the rest of the week.'

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

'Okay, but not in person -- I prefer on-line dating.'

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

Real Estate Personals

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

Acme Dating Service

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

"It's over between us, Kevin, I've met a most wonderful cod!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

Sidekick speed matching service.

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

Carbon Dating Agency

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."