Whimsical Matchmaker Gifts

'You are a cat person!'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'This one writes some fine lyrics, and the other one has composed some beautiful music, but they just done't seem to hit it off as collaborators.'

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"The big challenge now is to get them to mate in captivity."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.

Online Dating

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

"I'm steelbuns 1995, you must be teen angle 1999."

"Having a dog is great for meeting more dogs."

'Make it seven beans and you got yourself a deal.'

'My name's Jeffrey. Will you be my Valentine?'

The Devil and an angel talk by the water cooler.

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'How about a nice fixer-upper?'

Soulmates.

"Well Mom, thanks for setting us up, getting me to the restaurant on time, and getting the conversation started, but I think I can take it from here."

'I think I made A Major mistake.'

'You've been matched with a pub in Wigan' (to a man at a dating agency).

"Okay sir.I've fed your personal profile into the computer,and your ideal partner should look something like..."

"Here we match people by their hatreds. It's a much stronger bond."

'I always give the shy guys a 'booster shot'.'

'Do I know you?'