Comedic Matchmaker Gifts

COMPUTER DATING SERVICE, 'How about a nice fixer-upper?'

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"I said, 'You must be waiting for 'Mr. Right,' too.'"

'Things haven't been the same since the alien abduction.'

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

'The oceans are vast, yet we never go anywhere!'

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

'This one writes some fine lyrics, and the other one has composed some beautiful music, but they just done't seem to hit it off as collaborators.'

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

'Hey babe, I got two tickets to the gun show, you interested?'

"The big challenge now is to get them to mate in captivity."

'If you don't plan on snacking in between meals, then why did move the fridge in here?'

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

'You told me I should run the house like a business, so what am I bid for dinner?'

Romance Music

"Okay. So, apart from being a very shy ventriloquist, is there anything else you can tell me about him?"

'Aunt Val's pretty cool. . . Kind of hot actually. . . for an older lady.'

Witch in bed reading: 'The Joy of Hex'.

"This next arrow should shake things up a bit!"

"I'm steelbuns 1995, you must be teen angle 1999."

'That holiday I booked for my wife to the Galapagos Islands? She found her way back, so can we try another destination?'

'The answer is yes - I'll sign your pre-nuptial agreement.'

'How can I miss you if you won't go away!'

"Well, I think they fit perfectly."

Online Dating

Searching for condom.

A dog cupid flies an arrow after a dog jumping on a random man's leg.

"You ever notice how heavy your head is?"