Parenting Joker Gifts

The Big Book of Parent-Child Fights

'I'm sorry, but I have to let you go. Your mother got custody.'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"Daddy's binky is money."

"Of course, if you're fishing for anything heavier than a 2-year-old, you'll need a different rod."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Loading.

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

'We already have a helper monkey for that.'

'Faster!' urge the babies in their buggies.

'It may only be the school run but our Mom had to use two nicotine patches to make sure she made it.'

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

"Dad, how long do I have to go to school?"

"Little Ethan is quite the handful, but Susan and I have no regrets about stealing him from the maternity ward."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"At $4 a dozen, it's hard to balance a career and a family."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

A Mix Up Between the Buggy and Lawn Mower.

Dad Trophies

'You change him, and I'll change the tire.'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

Cloning Laboratory: 'I never thought I'd work here.'

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

The relay race

'Did you find any clothes?'

The mating call of the Yellow-Throated Warbler,

'Dad, try to catch some jellyfish to go with my peanut butter.'