Grandparent Joker Gifts

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

The Busy Gardener

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

The Zoo.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

The Baby Walker

Paul Klee

Catching Jeffrey To Change His Diaper.

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'I told you it would be useful.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Ahhh...'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

My First Camera

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

'OK, now let's be careful out there.'

Baby Piano

Nathaniel Hawthorne

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