Fatherhood Joker Gifts

'What did Cain and Abel give him for Father's Day if it wasn't a tie?'

Poopy Baby

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

Get crazy once in a while

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

"Harry?... Is that you?"

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Mom says she has a souffl

"No more tickling Daddy for awhile, 'kay Puddin?'"

Father and son with matching beer crates.

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

'...I thought Einstein had a theory on 'relatives'...'

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

"I'm an only child...unless you count my dad."

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

'It turned out great except for Fido!'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

Great job on the color! Thanks. It looks totally natural. Hi, Twig! Hey. Success! She didn't notice. "Mom dyed her hair with Gatorade."