Fatherhood Joker Prints

'What did Cain and Abel give him for Father's Day if it wasn't a tie?'

Poopy Baby

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Child laughs while making farting sound under arm. Dad says, 'Isn't it nice when they find something they're good at?

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

'Look behind you. . . Just kidding.'

Get crazy once in a while

"You look so beautiful, glistening in the moonlight."

"Ok... for today I want a 500-word essay on what you know about nothing."

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

'Want to freak her out? Stare over her shoulder without blinking for 10 minutes.'

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

'Mom says she has a souffl

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

Never pick a fight with a comedian.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'Hey guys?. . . Help us think what Dale could do for his '15 minutes of fame.''

Father and son with matching beer crates.

'Your father's a genius kids. First he discovered fire and now marshmallows.'

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

'I love it when you say - 'I'm going to print money'.'

"I'm an only child...unless you count my dad."

'It turned out great except for Fido!'

See, Bill? They DID remember us this Valentine's Day!

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'Mummy, why did you teach me to walk?'

'I've heard all about you. Jayne says you're quite the prankster.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'