Mom Jokers Pillows

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Raised by Dogs

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Dad Trophies

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

'Here comes your Daddy - Do you want me to do the talking?'

"Hey, Mom! Check it out! Dad converted his gardo paints to passenger pants!"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

"Bogeyman under your bed? Oh, no, sweetie, there's no room under there… unlike your closet."

'Who put Grandad's teeth in the aquarium?'

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

Giggle.

'How could I have missed these? I took a multivitamin.'

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

There's a toxic cloud moving in our direction! Hurry! Teddy's home from sports camp. Ha. Ha. Ha.

'Did you find any clothes?'

'A boy? Come on, Mom, you can do better than that!'

'I'd like a puppy who's cute, playful, and can shoulder a lot of blame.'

"Mom said we're old enough to take care of you, so this is our new chain of command!"

'Pull over, it's a text-message from the baby, she needs to be changed!'

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

'Looks like the deer are moving out of these woods.'

He wants to know where he came from.

"Don't forget...there are no guarantees, no returns, and no compensation!"

"Is our fish fresh? Sure it is! My dad is just delivering the latest catch..."

'This bottle stainless steel cleaner...if it's stainless...why would you need a cleaner?'

A man squashed by a giant leaf

We can identify the genetic root of many problems... however your husbands being a long strak of water isn't one of them!

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'