Mom Joke Lover Pillows

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

"Sure they love us, but once we turn 18 and are no longer a tax deduction, they'll tell us to move out!"

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

'How long did you try before calling?'

Is your homework finished? It's almost a snow day. No way

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

'You kids stop fighting or I swear, I will turn this banana around!'

"Sure you take off with the flock and leave me here stuck with the kids!"

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Could you direct me to the balloon animal enclosure?'

"Thank you, honey, for your vote of confidence in our parenting decisions."

'It's so embarrassing. My mother had my tadpole tail bronzed!'

"Grandma is really nice but she makes a mean cookie."

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

"I've decided to accept my legal counsel's advice and take the fifth."

"Amanda, did you throw you shoes away again?"

'I'm busy. Can't you make it yourself?'

"When you said I'd 'Really clean up' when Grandma visits I didn't know you meant my room!"

"We're just pleased he can still get into the Christmas spirit."

Mythical Family of Four

Some parents …

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

'It's your turn, dear.'

"Mom, all I did was fall off my bike and skin my knee."

"She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop. She'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop. She'll be riding six white horses, she'll be riding six white horses, she'll be riding six white horses when she comes. Stop." "That's just like your mother."

"I don’t have a photo of a caterpillar leaving its cocoon, but here’s my dad leaving his hammock after napping."