Parent-child Joke Lover Pillows

"Even when you were a baby you wouldn't eat."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"Look, honey, I got dinner on line!"

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

Sperm Whale.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Now listen: The big hairy ones are the hunters, while the smaller ones with long hair are the gatherers...'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'Dad, how come we never see and of them in flight?'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Hey, dad, I taught the dog to sit!'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"You're getting more wrinklier, grandpa. You should drink more water."

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

'Pack your things we're moving.'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'In this rare photo of President Bush standing beside former President Clinton, one can't help but notice how the weight of office has grayed their hair.'

"Stop following me! I taught you all that I know."

Vasectomy Clinic: Convert to Unleaded Here

"Someday you'll understand the ways of the world...with the exception of tax and health insurance forms."

"You claimed I was getting on your last nerve. Having only one nerve left sounds serious, so I called an ambulance."

"Excuse me, can you tell me where I might find the colostrum?"

Cocktail Franks

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

Some parents …

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."