Parental Humor Lover Pillows

"Let me guess -- first child?"

"It wasn't our first choice of schools, but we had a Groupon for it, so what the hell."

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

"I'll gather. Oog will hunt. And you'll invent daycare."

"I don't know what's worse - my helicopter mom or her drone."

Some parents …

They grow up so slow.

"Race ya."

'Well, are you wearing clean underwear or not?'

Having a child who missed three assemblies wasn't enough to win respect from the hardmen of prison block 'd'.

5 children at Doctors surgery with Le Creuset pots stuck on their head

The terrible 2's. It was an awful stage.

'Don't think of them as bad grades - think of them as sobering statistics.'

"It's really nice to see you finally putting some effort into your homework young man."

"I don't know where babies come from, son, ask your google."

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"You're gonna be the man of the house now-you need to protect your mother and sister."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

Sperm Whale.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"