Parental Humor Aficionado Pillows

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I need to know who started it."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'What are you in for?'

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

"Michael, do your dinner."