Parental Humor Aficionado T-Shirts

"I think our daughter got her brains from me."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

The Poky Little Pupa.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"I need to know who started it."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

Sperm Whale.

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

Chilly baby.

'Push, dear! The child will be late for pre-school!'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"Sure, Mom, I'll eat first, but then can we discuss my 'overseas adoption'?"

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'Please tell me I'm adopted.'

'I did tell you there were speed bumps in this via.'

'What are you in for?'

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Michael, do your dinner."

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

'Go on Darling, play in the soil-pit for a while...'

We put our child's art on the fridge - Unfortunately, she's a sculptor.

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"