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When Moms Dance

'It's normal for kids his age, not to share. However, they will readily share their communicable diseases with you.'

"Hey, I love my daughters too but you gotta set boundaries."

'That's one thing about my sister - she's not fussy who she bites.'

"Yeah, my grades are pretty bad. But I don't want you to feel responsible because of your lousy parenting.'"

Adam and Eve and Courtney

"Get me Room Service."

She can come out to play, but it might take a while.

Some kids have helicopter parents. I have drones.

'Happy Birthday, Chester A. Arthur!'

'Did Mom send you to your room, too?'

'I'm here to pick up the pieces.'

Parents aren't cool.

'Wait until you see the nit nurse's report...'

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."

"Oh, did baby get a boo-boo?"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

The Poky Little Pupa.

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I need to know who started it."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'