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Russian Doll Christmas

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'I think they're identical twins. But I'm not sure.'

'Get back in here and finish your lunch.'

"Do you have any hopeless little drongos?"

"Daddy's way of helping you with your homework is not to help you."

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

A Mom's Purse

"The centre has been burnt down by your children..."

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

"Dad's Support Group"

"He had nothing but respect for me. I finally had to sue to get child support."

'You don't have to look after them much at this age - they don't remember anything.'

Baby Advertising for Milk.

'Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Be grateful your kid only lives in your basement."

I got my figure back right after the baby was born...which was a bit unfortunate

"Anymore of that and I'll wash your mouth out with hand made inner harmony cool blue soap"

'Aw, mom, really? Brains again?'

'It looks like I'm yet another victim of heredity.'

"I did take a bath, I just didn't say when."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Funny how we never seem to run out of vegetables."

"We save for a rainy day! Let's go shopping!"

Wild Child

Billy the Dad

"Now we get all our news from Nickelodeon."

"At high noon I'm takin' her to the zoo. How's one-thirty?"

"It hasn't been easy, but I'm very proud of their low recidivism rate."

"Dad, when did you realize you weren't, you know, exactly studly anymore?"

"Bud has a great way with kids, but they don't know it."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Fine, but until you chop off my head you will do what I say."

"What's her working title?"