Parenting Humor Lover Gifts

Russian Doll Christmas

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'Sparky! Your mother and I are shocked at your current behavior! Until you learn to conduct yourself properly, you're grounded!'

'I think they're identical twins. But I'm not sure.'

'Get back in here and finish your lunch.'

"Do you have any hopeless little drongos?"

"Daddy's way of helping you with your homework is not to help you."

"Dad, here's that update on my childhood you requested."

'Yes, your son does ask questions in class but they're always 'Can I have the hall pass?'.'

A Mom's Purse

"The centre has been burnt down by your children..."

"It's not that I don't want a baby brother - it's just that this is a bad time for me developmentally."

"He had nothing but respect for me. I finally had to sue to get child support."

'You don't have to look after them much at this age - they don't remember anything.'

'Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"Dad's Support Group"

Baby Advertising for Milk.

Mom dwarves.

"Anymore of that and I'll wash your mouth out with hand made inner harmony cool blue soap"

"Funny how we never seem to run out of vegetables."

I got my figure back right after the baby was born...which was a bit unfortunate

'Aw, mom, really? Brains again?'

"Be grateful your kid only lives in your basement."

"I did take a bath, I just didn't say when."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"We save for a rainy day! Let's go shopping!"

'It looks like I'm yet another victim of heredity.'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

Mom sings song to child but gets the lyrics wrong.

"It's time for you to know that your mother and I are for-profit parents."

"Would you take a look at the car, Dad? The passenger door won't open."

"Fine, but until you chop off my head you will do what I say."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Bud has a great way with kids, but they don't know it."

Billy the Dad