Parenting Comedy Lover Gifts

'When you said I mustn't speak to strange people, does that include you and Dad?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I need to know who started it."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Have you seen my dad?"

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"