Parenting Comedians Gifts

"Don't you worry about me. I'll be fine, as long as you keep working."

Arthur Murray - Baby's first steps.

"Sleeping through the night is for losers."

'Big deal! There's nothing much in here!'

"We have to move closer to civilisation: I can't cope with the home-schooling Maths curriculum anymore..."

The Quitters

Baby Do Something.

'Hey Dad, can I borrow the car?'

To discourage him from jumping on the bed, Ryans parents covered his ceiling with flypaper.

'I'm a cardiologist with a child in third grade art class. What can I say?'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Have you seen my dad?"

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"