Parenting Comedians Gifts

"Don't you worry about me. I'll be fine, as long as you keep working."

"Sleeping through the night is for losers."

'Big deal! There's nothing much in here!'

"We have to move closer to civilisation: I can't cope with the home-schooling Maths curriculum anymore..."

The Quitters

Baby Do Something.

'Hey Dad, can I borrow the car?'

'I'm a cardiologist with a child in third grade art class. What can I say?'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'Congratulations! You're the proud father of three healthy, bouncing tax deductions!'

"Where's your nose?"