Parenting Comedy Fan Gifts

Therapy for babies.

"Here is your very own doll, so you can see how tiring it is to raise a child."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: Mother examines baby's faeces

New parents talking about lack of sleep.

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I need to know who started it."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'