Parenting Comedy Fan Gifts

Therapy for babies.

"Here is your very own doll, so you can see how tiring it is to raise a child."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: Mother examines baby's faeces

New parents talking about lack of sleep.

"Yes, I checked. No monsters under your bed! Now go to sleep and have horrible nightma...I mean...sweet dreams!"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

The Poky Little Pupa.

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Have you seen my dad?"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"