Comedy-loving Parent Gifts

"Those D's are misleading."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Therapy for babies.

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'