Comedy-loving Parent Gifts

"Those D's are misleading."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Mom dwarves.

Therapy for babies.

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

'Actually both my kids are twins...'