Joke-loving Parent Gifts

"Well it's not a spider wriggling and tiggling inside you."

"Admit it - You only had me for the free tech support."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'What are you in for?'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'They sort of grow on you.'

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

"I thought we talked about this."

The top half is formula. The bottom half is milk.

No, I'm not going to cut the crust off of it for you.