Parental Humor Admirer Pillows

"I take my babysitting job very seriously."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Son, sometimes I think you don't know your head from your tail. Come to think of it, it is tough.'

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

A Mom's Purse

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

Wild Child

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'