Parent Humor Appreciator Pillows

"His parents think the way to school is too dangerous."

I'm almost full grown, you've got to stop treating me like a kid!

"Careful with that corn. It's a gateway food to other vegetables."

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

Official Team Cap With Beard

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"Your mom is a little overprotective, isn't she?"

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

I arrived, I Ate, I Conquered (aka Pooped).

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"But Mom said to ask YOU!"

'If you're too hot, get back in the water: I'm not buying you ice cream!'