Humor Loving Parent Pillows

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"