Humor Loving Parent Pillows

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Mom dwarves.

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"But mom, I can't clean my room now. I just won the Kids Bedroom Seal of Approval!"

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

'Actually both my kids are twins...'