Parent Who Enjoys Humor Pillows

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

'Budget cuts have forced us to drop our day-care program. I've contacted your mother to come and pick you up.'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"I have to wear a bike helmet all the time after Mommie heard cars kill more pedestrians than cyclists!"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

'What are you in for?'

Ultra Sound/Downloading.