New Parent Humor Appreciator Pillows

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'Dad, can you teach me to swim?' 'Well, I'm not much of a swimmer, but I can teach you to tread water. I do that every day at work.'

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

They Removed my Brain.

Beware of teething baby.

A (P)ram.

Husband and Child in Pram

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- she's kind of a starter kit.'

'Daddy's busy - Go draw on the wall.'

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

Twins

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

Baby Bat Mobile

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

"I think our bundle of joy needs his mommy, dear!"