New Parent Humorists Pillows

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Oh, don't mind Jeff. It's just his turn to change the Baby's nappy.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

The Mothership

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"Please let go of Daddy's chest hair."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

"Hey, little fella. Welcome to the risk pool."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'And you said he'd shoot his eye out with a BB Gun!'

"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."

A (P)ram.

Beware of teething baby.

Husband and Child in Pram