New Parent Jokesters Pillows

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Dad Trophies

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

'Did you find any clothes?'

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

They Removed my Brain.

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

Husband and Child in Pram

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Beware of teething baby.

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

A (P)ram.

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

Twins

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography