New Parent Jokesters Gifts

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

Dad Trophies

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'How's daddy's little deductions doing?'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

I'd like to donate to your theater, but

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

"I'm not concerned about us as long as there is nothing in the stimulus package for cats."

"Can't you just relax and enjoy my childhood."

A (P)ram.

'Did you find any clothes?'

They Removed my Brain.

Beware of teething baby.

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

Husband and Child in Pram

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

Baby Teething Problems.

"When I said change the baby, I meant his diapers!"

Twins