New Parent Humour Gifts

New parents talking about lack of sleep.

"Does knowing you're being watched on a baby monitor keep you out of mischief?"

'Well, he definitely has his father's... Er... Eyes.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

I know, it's so hard not to laugh every time that kid crawls by wearing just a poop bag.

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

Child Being Dirty in the Bath.

'BEEP! BEEP! Pregnant Lady Reversing!...'

Cupid and stork ambush young couple.

'Congratulations Mr. Dumley, you have a lovely little thing...'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

Baby reading 'To do list'.

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

'Oh wonderful! All day I've been waiting for that burp!'

"It was a difficult delivery."

"This diaper makes my butt look big..."

A (P)ram.

Beware of teething baby.

Honey, Can You Buy Me Some Sanitary Towels?

'Mom, will the baby come with bundled software?'

Husband and Child in Pram

They Removed my Brain.

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

A woman looks at greeting cards in a section entitled "New Pie".

"Oh, she's got her father's male hormones"

'Sandra, I think the baby needs his oil changed.'

I'm not saying she's a gifted child, but she did write her own birth announcement.

Waaahhh. Please, Milo. Stop crying. Look, Milo. I'm making a funny face. Waah. I'm waving my arms in the air! Waah. I'm pouring burning coffee on my head. Waaah. Waaaaaaaahhh. Look at this dog. Isn't it disgusting and hairy wairy? Humiliating on every level. Giggle.

'Mum's water have broken and she's called the doctor. I may be wrong but I'd be calling the plumber!!'

Baby Bat Mobile

Twins

"Twins!...Who's the other father?"

'I don't believe it - At school all my teachers said I was an underachiever!'

Baby Teething Problems.