New Parent Satire Gifts

"Congratulations, Mrs Foopster!! It's a bouncing baby boy!!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

A young Don King

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

A mother and baby elephant

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

Supermom.

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

Baby pram as a tank