New Parent Satire Gifts

"Congratulations, Mrs Foopster!! It's a bouncing baby boy!!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

A young Don King

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

'Ahhh...'

The Baby Walker

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

A Communal Breakfast for the Young

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

When a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you answer it!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

'I believe we've located the cause of your back problem, Mrs. Kangaroo.'

A mother and baby elephant

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

'You're going to have your future cut out for you, reading bedtime stories.'

'Well, well, well. It wasn't a 12 lb baby after all. It was a six pound one pumping iron.'

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"Force quit! Force quit! Force quit!!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

Baby pram as a tank

"They’re baseballs. You throw ’em."

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'