Satirical Parents Gifts

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

The inventor of the Slip 'n Slide becomes a father.

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Dad’s Homework Assignment

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'We lease the children, of course!'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

Our Yuppie Dad

'We're totally against smacking but not adverse to 'moderate punishment.''

Time Out Room

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'You're not old enough to make your own mistakes! Leave that to your father.'