Satirical Parents Pillows

The cost of bringing up children soars to more than £140,000.

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

The Mothership

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"We can determine your child's gender, IQ and student debt load."

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'Wayne, your turn - Darren needs changing!'

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Dad’s Homework Assignment

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

'We lease the children, of course!'

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

Our Yuppie Dad

'We're totally against smacking but not adverse to 'moderate punishment.''

'You're not old enough to make your own mistakes! Leave that to your father.'

'It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl as long as it'll make enough money for a good retirement home for us!'

Time Out Room

"Yes, but Mummy and Daddy are on legal drugs."

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'