Parenting Satire Lover Pillows

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

The Mothership

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

A Mom's Purse

Young Godzilla.

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

Wild Child

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"Do you have any hopeless little drongos?"