Parenting Satire Lover Gifts

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'We had the baby's ultrasound photo made into wallpaper.'

'Simpson! Stop causing low-level disruption in class now!'

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

Impracticle Guide to Having Babies

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"Tell me, Frankie, what time is it?"

"The principal has sat in on so many of my classes, I'm thinking of giving him the exam."

"What do you think is a good step goal for someone who's just started walking?"

Mom dwarves.

The Mothership

"How many times do I have to beep you?"

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

'The first person to learn anything leaves immediately!'

"If we're lucky, she'll get a single wear out of this."

'His vocabulary is growing by leaps and soap bubbles.'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

"Mom, when the baby's born, can I have the bubble wrap it's shipped in?"

"Open up for the choo-choo train!"

Young Godzilla.

A Mom's Purse

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

Rosemary's Baby Supplies

'Actually both my kids are twins...'

'The baby took some cellphone pictures of you napping!'

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

'This might be a good time to discuss a few grievances.'

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

Wild Child

"I'd like my son seated in the first row."

"Sorry, Boss, I thought you wanted me to make it look like an accident."

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"