Parenting Satire Gifts

"Being from another planet is worth thirty points towards your child's admission to Harvard."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

Trick or Tweet

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"Use your inside scream."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

Mother and Baby Hippopotamus.

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

"Guess who figured how to call 911!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: This is solids?

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."