Parenting Satirists Gifts

'I know...It's so nice to finally be able to leave the kids at home without a babysitter, now that they have the means to keep themselves safe.'

'Apparently the poor love's walkman is broken.'

"Say, honey, have you seen Jerome junior lately?"

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

"Which one's yours?"

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'

"The one time in our lives when it's acceptable to run around naked, but they dress us up like L. L. Bean catalog."

'Simple case of gravity, mom.'

The Mothership

It says, 'Billions of Babies on Board.'

"Have I managed to get rid of the dummy yet? No, he's still with me."

"That's my dad over there."