Parenting Satirist Gifts

'Congratulations! It's an obesity time bomb'

"Haven't we got kids...?"

Someone is Out There Watching.

'The Pop-Up Book of Traditional Parenting.'

Humble beginings vs. Silver spoon in mouth

The woman who has everything is not the woman who does everything.

The Mothership

'Little Wayne is so sensitive; I don't like him going out this late.'

'...and this trophy is for going shopping for school clothes!'

"Can't believe our little Lizzie starts 4th grade today."

A baby escapes from a pram

"I take care of my children. They've each got a mobile phone, and I tell them to ring when they get to the nursery."

'It's time you knew, Son -- you were abandoned here as a child by aliens.'

'Of course you're pregnant! You wouldn't be carrying a baby if you weren't!'

"Don't look! There is one of these nude perverts again!"

Raised by she wolves

"Yeah, he's very like his father isn't he?"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Children Demand Parental Term Limits.

'I told you not to leave her outside.'

Time Out Room

Free Baby. Lily decides turnabout is fair play.

"Hey. Smells funny. Fix it. And bring me a beer."

"They're resilient."

"Ask not for whom the baby cries; it cries for thee. Specifically, thee’s milk."

"Of course Daddy could explain what a superconducting supercollider is, sweetie, but just at the moment Daddy is watching 'America's Most Wanted.'"

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"